Quitting My Job

You cannot spell "dishonorable" without spelling "honorable."
-Homer S.

David Lee, M.S.E.E., J.D.

Bart, don't make fun of grad students. They've just made a terrible life choice.
-Marge Simpson

Skittlebrau

Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.

Man's Best Friend

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.
-Homer

Working From Home Today

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.

Father Knows Best

My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.
-Grandpa Simpson ("Abe")

The Lord's Prayer

Bless the grocer for this wonderful meat, the middlemen who jacked up the price, and let's not forget the humane but determined boys at the slaughterhouse.

-Ned Flanders

Police Academy

All right, you scrawny beanpoles: becoming a cop is not something that happens overnight. It takes one solid weekend of training to get that badge.
-Chief Wiggum